Evolution

I have lived most of my adult life as a spiritual practitioner. I believed, and had evidence to support that belief, that what I was doing was right. I’ve come to see that it is both true and not true that what I was doing was right. My behavior and actions were supported by God because they were in themselves good, but I was not living what was good for me which created a lack of fulfillment and prosperity. I see now that my constant undertone of unease was a sign of being off my mark. Not living what is right for me is denial of the me that was created by God even if my right actions created the illusion that I was on the right path.

I’m internally careful not to confuse the sacrifice of service with a lack of personal fulfillment. Living your best life doesn’t always feel good. There is struggle and pain. I don’t want to make another forest for the trees mistake. The Buddha said that when you are enlightened you will not suffer, he did not say you will not experience pain. Pain and suffering are not the same.

The spiritual work I have done has helped a lot of people and has given me wonderful and graced experiences which seemed to validate the correctness of what I was doing. My work seemed to be validated though spiritual serendipity and positive results. I ignored personal unhappiness because it seemed part of the spiritual journey to sacrifice “selfish” desires.

Now I know that I was on the wrong course for my life. I am, and always have been, close to God. That won’t change. What is changing is the form that closeness takes. I just don’t know what that is yet. I suspect it will be like it was prior to doing spiritual work, before there was an identity around the relationship. I suspect it will be much freer and feel much better because in many ways it already does.

This blog is a record of my pivot and what I have learned about pivoting through helping people as a massage therapist, clairvoyant and Hawaiian Shaman. If it helps some, great! If it doesn’t help you then know it is not for you and what could help you is elsewhere.